tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
