Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
