The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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