I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
