I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
