im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
