who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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