fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
