I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
