just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
