At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
