You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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