Well apparently he's into motor boating.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
