May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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