idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
