At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
