I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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