I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
