Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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