I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am one with the molecules
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
