I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
