Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
