Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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