i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
