He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
