all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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