a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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