and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
