dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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