i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
and you fell through a lawn chair
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
