So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
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It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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