i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
