i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
