woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
