no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
