They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
