He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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