literally had 100 drinks last night.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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