Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
