Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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