dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
