i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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