I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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