I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
