no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
