Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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