My friends, they love my intelligence
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
