4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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