I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
