I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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