I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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