the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
