I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
