I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
