After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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