I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
