Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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