Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
