I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
