I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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