so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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