She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
