Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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