Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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