He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
