I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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