you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
