So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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