Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
