his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
