i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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