Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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