I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
